NASCAR

OK. We gotcha, Tyler Reddick. We get it. We hear you, loud and clear. What sacrifice do NASCAR fans have to make to get out of this hell? I'll do anything. Just make it STOP. I don't even dislike Tyler Reddick! I like that little dude. He's fine. I like Michael Jordan. Republicans buy sneakers, too. He's good with me. But my God. Enough already. FOUR of the first SIX races? He's gonna catch Richard Petty by the time they come back to Daytona at this rate. Make it stop! What else do y'all wanna talk about today? Lord knows I can't do 1,000 words on Tyler Reddick. I just can't do it. You don't want that. I don't want that. Nobody wants that. How about Daniel Suarez absolutely stuffing Ross Chastain in a body bag all week long? These dudes HATE each other. If I were Ross, I'd have my head on an extra swivel for the next few weeks, just to be safe. I've also got DEI rearing its ugly head again in NASCAR, Busch Series driver Josh Bilicki shooting his shot with an influencer and getting absolutely humiliated, and Sam Busch checks back in after a slow start to the season. Sound good? Good! Vroom vroom. Four tires, enough fuel for anyone except Tyler Reddick (no offense), and maybe a vodka-red bull for Sam Busch … Monday Morning Pit-Stop – the ‘What The Hell Was In That Settlement?’ edition – is LIVE!I mean, no. The answer is no. But, it's probably a fair question to ask, right? I mean, think about it … who has done MORE for the drivers over the past six months than Michael Jordan?The guy went to court with NASCAR … and WON. His driver has now won four of the first six races of the season, including the Daytona 500. His other driver (fan-favorite Bubba Wallace) was second in the points up until a bad day yesterday (still might be, don't feel like checking because it doesn't matter). I remember when MJ and 23XI burst onto the scene a few years ago. You NEVER saw Michael Jordan at the track. Ever. If he was there, it was kept under lock and key. You never heard from him, never spoke to him, never really saw him. And now, the dude is basically a ceremonial pit reporter for Fox! He's on every week. It's amazing. I don't know what the hell was in those settlement papers last December. I have no idea. Some folks really believe that conspiracy. Frankly, it's sort of hard to go against it after TYLER REDDICK just won his fourth race of the season … in March. Regardless, it's probably time to start talking about MJ the same way we do Rick Hendrick, Joe Gibbs and Richard Childress. With any luck, maybe he'll even start dressing like Jack Roush. OK, Mike Joy. Let's settle down a bit. I love you, but that's a bit of a stretch, isn't it? One of the "gutsiest" performances ever? EVER?!All because he had to turn his cooling system off for the final 100 laps to preserve a bleeding battery? I mean, come on. Isn't Brad Keselowsi driving around on a broken leg right now? Obviously, those two aren't exactly the same, but you get the point. I know Mike has to pump up the broadcast, and I respect that given good ratings generally mean good things for me, given Fox signs my paychecks, but come on. He ran 100 laps without a cooling system at Darlington in March. Anyway, moving on to … more Mike Joy!Amazing. That's what I'm talking about, Mike! More of that, less nonsense about Tiny Ty's courageous drive. This is the #content NASCAR fans want. We want to make liberals SEETHE when they accidentally turn on a NASCAR race and hear us mocking DEI. I've made that joke for years now, by the way. Glad someone finally caught on. It's been staring us right in the face. Let's see Leigh Diffey give us that sort of content this summer. Don't think so! OK, let's get to a couple quickies on the way out.Speaking of DEI … Bingo. Naturally, the libs will call us a bunch of racist NASCAR rednecks for jumping all over ARCA for this nonsense. Steve Phelps certainly will. But, in reality, we do not CARE that Dystany Spurlock is black. Can she drive, or not? Natalie Decker is the hottest driver in any NASCAR garage, anywhere. She is white. She is universally HATED by fans, because she cannot drive. Enough with the nonsense. Can they drive, or not? Black, white or purple, that's all we care about. Next? The biggest – and I mean BIGGEST – story in NASCAR last week revolved around Daniel Suarez and Ross Chastain. The fallout from last week's near ass-beating was a sight to behold, and it mainly centered around Suarez just continuing to publicly humiliate Ross the Boss every chance he got:Good God. I'm gonna be honest with you … I think I've done a 180 after that and I'm in Chastain's camp now. Suarez sounds like an attention whore at this point. There. I said it! (Please don't beat me up). Next? Last week was an especially woke week for NASCAR. Felt like 2020 all over again!How about Daniel Dye getting suspended because he … used a "gay voice" on a livestream?Yep. That's it. That's literally the video that got Daniel Dye suspended. I'll be honest with you, I saw this "story" circulating NASCAR Twitter earlier this week, but didn't get to watch the actual video at the time because I have two kids and the fair was in town Tuesday night. So, I waited until Wednesday morning to watch it, and I was fully prepared for Dye to just be dropping slur after slur after slur. I thought I'd have to go to church after watching it. I figured I'd immediately just go hug my kids tight. The #MOB – including NASCAR media – made it sound like Dye had basically committed murder over the livestream. And … THAT was it. Amazing. Come on. What are we doing here? Suspend him for making a painfully unfunny joke. That's fine. That, I would understand. But give me a break with the "homophobic" crap. That's silly. You know who ain't homophobic? Josh Bilicki, apparently:My God. Poor Josh! Well, not really. Don't slide into DMs in 2026 and expect it to be kept a secret, pal. Better yet, maybe don't slide into DMs at all? That'll help you avoid all of this next time!PS: Cowboy Pillow girls are quickly catching the Monster Girls in terms of NASCAR #content. Well done. What a sponsor. OK, that's it for today. Take us to Martinsville, Sam Busch!