Colorado Rockies

Happy National Championship Monday to all who celebrate! Otherwise, known as the day when we all complain about the 9 p.m. tip-off time all afternoon! Hand raised, of course. Actually, you know what? It's not raised. I'm a realist. I know how my nights go at this point. First kid goes down around 8. Second one goes down around 8:30, but doesn't fall asleep until 9ish. And really, that means a late tip is perfect for me. I'd miss the entire first half if it started any earlier. So, my hand officially goes DOWN! I'm all in. How's that for a Monday twist?Let's have a big week. Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where Lauren Boebert riles up MAGA in a Rockies uniform. What else? I've got the best of the rest from a big weekend of #content, a huge update to #ToiletPaperGate, and, of course, it's officially Masters Week. Welcome to Monday at The Masters, folks. It's beautiful. Grab you some egg salad and settle in for a big Monday 'Cap!We could start in a million different places today, but we might as well spin the wheel and start in Iran. Why not? This feels like a make-or-break week for this war, doesn't it? I'll be honest with you, I don't get rattled by Trump posts anymore. I'm so numb to them, they just bounce off me like rubber bullets. That being said, his EASTER morning message was a humdinger:I thought it was fake. Hand up. I can usually tell when a Trump post is doctored or not, and when I opened up this bad boy I thought it was fake. The most amazing part of it was the use of the F-bomb. He didn't go all in. He shortened it with the dumb little apostrophe, which was an interesting choice. It takes more work to do that. What's the message behind that?The "Praise be to Allah" was quite a choice, too. I know where he was going with it, but that one hit a little different … on EASTER. We've had a lot of memorable wartime quotes from presidents over the years. FDR's "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Reagan's "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall."Of course, you can't forget about this absolute BANGER from George W. Bush:That's my childhood, right there. Man, we ate that moment up back in the mid-2000s. It's all people could talk about for years. The best. Anyway, let's go ahead and add Trump's "Open the F--kin' Strait, you crazy bastards" to the list. What a moment. OK, for those looking for more updates on Iran … here's Trump giving us the latest while flanked by the Easter Bunny!Amazing. When I tell you we live in amazing #content times, this is what I mean. And for those of you mocking this, at least it's better than that one time two years ago when Joe Biden declared EASTER the "National Day of Trans Visibility."Not much room to mock after that one. OK, let's get to the best #content from a big weekend! Happy Masters Week to all who celebrate:What a weekend! And now we get to top it all off with a little UConn-Michigan finale. I don't much care who wins because neither team really does it for me, but I'd like to see some sort of Dan Hurley crashout. Win or lose, give me that and I'll be good. Couple thoughts …1. No Tiger or Phil at The Masters this week for the first time since 1994. Think about that. 2. The Adell catch was insane, and also is a good reminder that it's infinitely better than that one time Derek Jeter caught a ball against the Red Sox, and then ran an extra 20 yards for no reason and jumped into the stands, and we all acted like it was the greatest catch of all time. It wasn't. 3. That being said, my Red Sox are truly horrible. The worst team in baseball! Unfathomable. 4. Welcome to class, new Braves reporter, Sarah Plantz!5. Speaking of baseball, let's rapid-fire this class into a big Monday night!The Sox may be awful, but the Tigers … well, they're not great, either, but they at least have four wins!Justin Verlander, by the way, is currently 0-1 with a 12.27 ERA. Small sample size, sure, but his fastball does NOT seem to have aged quite as well as Kate Upton's. Good to have her back in blue and orange, though!Next? Unsurprisingly, I received a dozen emails after revealing in Friday's class that my wife put the toilet paper on the incorrect way for the first time in our marriage. Nobody was #TeamFirstLady, nor should they have been. From Mike L:It was patented going over, that's as it should be. My wife and I went through the same thing and I just kept turning it around. Now, it's as it should be.And Brad M:Apparently it's a "girl" thing! It is very obvious and intuitive that the end sheet of the roll should come over the top! Easier to grasp and much less likely to unroll into a pile on the floor. I've been trying to explain how to properly position the roll on the dowel to my wife for years (almost 48, but who's counting?). And Ryan N:Obviously that toilet paper positioning is grounds for divorce.  I kid, but it is a serious enough infraction to consider giving away half your stuff and ruining your life.And Tammy K:Around the back is acceptable under 1 condition: when you have a cat that WILL unroll it.I agree with all! Now, here's the big twist … I finally brought it up with the First Lady while we were in bed Friday night, and she immediately shut it down. She blamed the kids. She said she, too, thought the positioning was ridiculous and realized she put it on incorrectly after she did it. However, both kids were hounding her in the bathroom, so she aborted the mission and left it alone. She claimed she intended to go back and fix it, but forgot. So, I'm here to (somewhat) absolve her of all her crimes. I'm not 100% sure I buy her story, but I also don't want to get yelled at again, so she is fully CLEARED. No harm, no foul. This is how we learn. This is how we grow. It's called being in a mature relationship, libs. Look it up!OK, that's it for today. Good start to the week. Here's Lauren Boebert taking in a Rockies game with Democratic Gov. Jared Polis.  MAGA was NOT thrilled. Normally, I'd insert a Rockies joke here … but Lord knows I'm in no position to mock them with the state of my baseball team. See you Wednesday. OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).Do we believe the First Lady? Email me at [email protected].