Danica Patrick

First Hump Day of April? An APRIL FOOLS Hump Day? I mean, are we in for a wild little ride today, or what? I think this is going to be a special class. How could it not be? Trump's set to address the nation tonight, we're sending astronauts to the MOON again in a few hours, and CB Bucknor continues to be just the worst umpire in the history of umpiring. In the post-Angel Hernandez era, of course. Nothing will ever match Angel. But CB's certainly trying. Anyway, welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where Danica Patrick shows off the arms and throws back some wine to celebrate Florence Wine & Food Weekend. Good luck saying ANYTHING bad to Danica with these bazookas, libs. You won't stand a chance. What else? I've got the WNBA girls soaking up the last bit of the offseason, ESPN's Alyssa Lang hitting the beach, Trump obliterating a reporter, and, of course, CB! My man made a call that was so utterly bad last night that both teams just started laughing from their respective dugouts. Amazing. Grab you some of Danica's wine and be sure the bottle doesn't explode, and THEN settle in for a Hump Day 'Cap!I've got 14 meetings today and I'm alone with the kids, so there will be no beating around the bush in this class. All gas, no brakes. Try to keep up!For those who weren't locked into the big Rays-Brewers game last night, CB Bucknor, who is the worst umpire in the game at the moment, had another all-timer. And by all-time, I mean he should probably be sent to the moon later today with the astronauts. Coming off a brutal weekend in which he was publicly humiliated by both the Red Sox and Reds, CB made just a baffling call at first base last night. And I mean BAFFLING. It was so egregious, both teams literally just started laughing from their dugouts. Do you know how bad you have to be to get mocked by BOTH clubs? Rollllllll tape!Goodness gracious. I mean, credit to CB Bucknor for having the nuts to make that call. We all thought we'd seen the last of a dying breed when Angel Hernandez "retired," but buddy, we had no IDEA that CB Bucknor was waiting in the wings. How do you miss that? Seriously, how do you miss him stepping on first base? Well, for starters, you don't even look at the bag. That's a great place to start! WHY did CB Bucknor take his eyes off the bag? That's literally his job. His one and only job in that situation is to look at the bag and see A) if he touches it, B) when he touches it, and C) who gets there first. Instead, CB just randomly follows the poorly thrown ball, and then calls him OUT based on … nothing. Just literally guessed. I'm not sure I've ever seen a player miss first base. I played baseball for 20 years. I've watched it for 30. I can't recall a time when a runner missed first base. Second base? Sure. Third base? Once in a while. But FIRST base? Nope. Players usually get that one every time. Amazing. CB wasn't the only one who looked absolutely lost yesterday:Just a Hall of Fame moment here from Trump, who has taken a lot of heat over the past month or so. For those who thought the stress would knock the fastball down a few notches … think again. It's still very much there. It still very much plays. Reporter: "Iran threatened US companies."Trump: "With WHAT? BB guns?"Incredible. What a response. Even more incredible was the question itself. It's a fine question … if it had ANY credibility behind it. Like, any. But don't come into the Oval Office and ask the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES a question that you literally have no basis for. That's Big J 101. Years ago, when I was a freshman in college, my dad called me up randomly one night after Thanksgiving Break. He and my mom both, actually. I knew when I answered and they were both on the line, I was in trouble. Never a good sign. "Were you at the house at 3 a.m. last week with a girl?""No," I said, emphatically. Easy call, right? Couldn't have said it fast enough. No hesitation. "Now," he responded, "let me ask you again, and this time just know that I already know the answer. Were you at the house last week at 3 a.m. with a girl?"I was toast. He got me. He had me dead to rights. I WAS at the house with a girl! He knew it, because we had to reset the alarm when we left, and that all gets logged. The moral of that story? Don't ever ask a question that you already don't kinda-sorta know the answer to. At the very least, have some basic knowledge about the subject before asking it. Or answering it. OK, let's rapid-fire this quick class into a quick night of humping! I've got a rocket launch to watch, you know. First up? WNBA players report in 18 days, folks. Time is TICKING on any last-minute vacation time!Indiana Fever teammates Lexi Hull and Sophie Cunningham with a couple absolute HEATERS from the coast. This is what it's all about, boys and girls. I'm glad the WNBA season is a GO, but I'm sad to see the R&R come to an end. Speaking of R&R, let's check in with ESPN college football reporter, Alyssa Lang!Welcome to class, Alyssa! Good to see you enjoying some time off during college football's quiet time, although how quiet is it, really? Last I checked, spring practices were in full swing. Just ask Lane … and his former QB!Looks like both guys are settling in well to the #NewWorld order of the SEC. Lane's at LSU – where he still looks weird with that backdrop – and Trinidad is back at Ole Miss after a court battle, and refusing to say Lane's actual name. 171 days until Sept. 19, by the way. That's when LSU travels to Ole Miss. Just in case y'all were curious. OK, that's it for today. Excellent Hump Day. Great way to start April. Let's all have a glass of wine and enjoy this rocket launch with Danica Patrick!OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).Your dad ever remind you how dumb and naive you were back in the day? Email me at [email protected].